Thursday, May 5, 2011

Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up.
~Jesse Jackson

In reality, mas madalas tayong makarinig at makakita ng mga 'di kanais-nais na mga bagay-bagay sa ating paligid. Nakakalungkot. When someone ask you to describe your own self, and say your "kind", how does it feels? This simple adjective means a lot if you will just go deeper into its POWER.

Let me share to you another article written again by Bo Sanchez which will assure you that being kind lets you soar high more than you can imagine.

Sana maramdaman nyo 'yung naramdaman ko after kon
g mabasa 'toh..^_^


Are You Known By Your Kindness?

Do you want to be truly happy?

Be kind.

Let me tell you a story.

One day, a plane hit a storm and was about to crash. The problem was there were 4 passengers and only 3 parachutes.

The first man took one parachute

and said, “I’m a brain surgeon and my patients need me.” And he jumped off the plane.

The second man took the second parachute and said, “I’m a rocket scientist, one of the smartest men in the entire planet, and the world needs me. And he jumped off the plane.

The third man was Pope Benedict. He took the last remaining parachute and gave it to the fourth person who was a young boy.

The Pope said, “Son, I’m an old man. I’ve served God enough. Go ahead and take this last parachute.”

The young boy smiled, “Your Holiness, it’s okay. There are still two parachutes left. The rocket scientist, the smartest man on the entire planet, jumped out with my backpack.”

Lesson?

The Pope won because he was kind.

The Rocket Scientist lost because he was not kind.

Kind people, at the end of the day, will always win.



Let me tell you another story, this time from the Bible.

I’m sure you know the tale of the Good Samaritan. But I urge you to read it again with fresh eyes. And expect God to speak to you in a new and powerful way….

Jesus answered, “There was once a man who was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho when robbers attacked him, stripped him, and beat him up, leaving him half dead. It so happened that a priest was going down that road; but when he saw the man, he walked on by, on the other side. In the same way a Levite also came along, went over and looked at the man, and then walked on by, on the other side. But a Samaritan who was travelling that way came upon the man, and when he saw him, his heart was filled with pity. He went over to him, poured oil and wine on his wounds and bandaged them; then he put the man on his own animal and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Take care of him,’ he told the innkeeper, ‘and when I come back this way, I will pay you whatever else you spend on him.’ ” (Luke 10:30-35)



Three Ways To Show Kindness

As a kid, you heard this story before.

It was a nice, sweet story.

But let me tell you how controversial this is.

In the story, God gave three men a major exam.

The exam wasn’t written or oral, it was “actual”. The examcame in the form of a half-dead man, lying in the pool of his blood, in the middle of the dusty road. (You wish God gave normal exams. “Just recite the Apostles Creed, agree to every doctrine, and bingo, you’re cool.” No such thing.)

Here’s the controversy: The two guys who should have been exempted because of their sterling credentials, whom everyone expected to be board top-notchers, failed big time. But the third guy, the class nincompoop, someone no one expected to pass, didn’t only pass; He passed with flying colors. He was summa cum laude.

Here’s my message for today: If you want to bring someone closer to God, you need to be kind to them. Because the kingdom will be known by your kindness.

Here are three ways of showing kindness:

1. Be Accepting

2. Be Available

3. Be Affectionate

That’s what I’ll share with you today.


1. Be Accepting

Why did the Priest and Levite not help?

Because they weren’t accepting.

A lot of people don’t know this little fact. The Priest and the Levite didn’t help because they were afraid of being ritually unclean.

During their time, religious people lived in a world divided as Clean and the Unclean. Things are clean and unclean. Actions are clean and unclean. People are clean and unclean.

And according to their Law, anyone who touches a dead body will be “defiled” for seven days. And during this time, both the Priest and the Levite wouldn’t be able to perform their religious duties.

But the Samaritan didn’t think in this way. Because according to this world of clean and unclean, a Samaritan was already unclean. (Samaritans were half-breed Jews who were looked down upon.) According to them, he was, by birth, already ceremonially defiled.

In other words, it was the “unclean” man who helped another unclean man.

Here’s my point.

After 32 years of ministry, I’ve realized that the best people who represent God in this world aren’t the most intelligent, the most eloquent, or the most gifted. The best representatives of God are the kindest and most humble people.

Those who know they’re not perfect.

Those who deeply respect people, no matter what they have done in the past.

Those who don’t have an air of spiritual superiority and religious arrogance.


But Alas, Christians Today

Are Seen As Arrogant People

Let me share with you some sad news.

A huge survey was done among young people ages 16 to 29 in America. They were asked what they thought of Christianity.

Here are the results: 87% of them said that Christianity was judgmental. And 85% said Christianity was hypocritical. And one out of four non-Christians said that modern day Christians were no longer like Jesus.

Mahatma Gandhi said the same thing many years ago. He said, “I like your Christ but I dislike your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.”

Why? Rick Warren explained it this way: “Christians are more known for what we are against than what we are for.”

In other words, we love to tell people what’s wrong with them. We do that to our kids. We do that to our spouses. And we do that to our unchurched friends.

If you’re a religious person, everyone instantly knows what you’re against. You’re against abortion and homosexuality and premarital sex and pornography and gambling and drunkenness…

That’s okay. But here’s my big question: Are you known for your kindness?

I give talks on parenting. I tell parents that correcting their kids without building a strong relationship with them will never work. It’s useless. If this is true of parenting, how much more with our unchurched friends?

If you want to bring people closer to God, you need to meet them at their level, speak their language, meet their concerns, and address their needs.


Is Your God Cruel?

When tragedies strike our planet, two types of religious people surface.

The first type is the religious person who rushes in and serves. The second type is the religious person who rushes in and shames.

The first one gives, helps, and cares.

The second one condemns, criticizes, and judges.

When Mt. Pinatubo erupted in 1991, devastating Zambales and Pampanga, I heard some religious people say, “God is punishing the areas of Olongapo and Angeles, both American camps, because of the many prostitutes in those areas.”

When a tsunami hit Phuket beach, Thailand, on December 26, 2004, I heard some religious people say, “That’s what those vacationers deserve for cavorting and partying on Christmas Day, instead of praying and attending church!”

And when the earthquake and tsunami hit Japan on March 11,2011, I heard some religious people say, “That disaster happened because Japan is a godless nation. Because 90% of Japanese are atheists…”

So sad.

And so cruel.

Religious people who worship a cruel god become cruel too.

We always become like the god that we worship.

My next example is even more tragic.


A Very Sad Story

One day, a man was writing to his parents a very difficult letter.

It was a very difficult letter because he had not been in touch with them for twelve long years.

The last time they talked was the day he told them that he was choosing the homosexual life. His parents told him that he was committing sin and that he was going to Hell. They asked him to pack his bags and never come back.

That day, he left home and lived life on his own terms.

Twelve years later, he was writing a letter of reconciliationto them. He was telling them that he had AIDS. He said that his days were numbered. He asked if they could see each other one last time before he died.

One week later, the man received mail from his parents.

Excited, he opened the envelope.

And out fell small pieces of torn paper.

It was his birth certificate.

Plus a short note from Mom and Dad.

It read, “We do not know you. We do not have a son who is an abomination to God. From that day you walked out of God’s will, we no longer have a son.”

The young man wept.

A few days later, he died.

Here’s the irony of this story.

Do you know who helped him during his dying days?

His neighbors. His office mates. His old friends.

People who weren’t Christians.

Where were the religious people? Busy condemning. Busy protecting themselves from defilement.

So different from the next story I’ll share with you.



An Example Of Great Kindness

Celia (not her real name) got pregnant out of wedlock. And her boyfriend abandoned her.

At that time, Celia was a lost soul. She was far from God. She actually didn’t care if He existed or not. But something in her drove her to search for Him.

She learned that there was this small prayer group near her house. But she wondered if they would accept her.

In the entrance, a friendly woman welcomed her and said, “Welcome! Where’s your husband?”

Celia groaned. She braced herself for the rejection. She said, “I don’t have a husband.”

But the rejection didn’t come. The woman hugged her and said, “We welcome you and your baby!”

She led her to the prayer meeting.

The first thing Celia noticed was that they were old women! “Oh no, what have I gotten myself into?” she thought to herself.

She told the leader, “I don’t believe in God.” And she answered, “It’s okay. We love you!”

For some reason, she kept attending that prayer meeting. It was their kindness that drew her back.

And during those prayer meetings, there was this old woman who would call Celia to sit by her side. When she did, the grandmother would press a small plastic bag of coins to her hand. “I saved this for your baby,” she’d whisper.

Celia was moved. This woman was poor. Yet she would save money for her.

A few weeks later, they threw a baby shower for her.

When Celia finally gave birth, it was a big celebration. And her baby was the prayer group’s baby. In each prayer meeting, the old woman would take turns carrying the baby.

Many years later, Celia became a preacher.

How did an agnostic, a lost soul, become a preacher?

It all started in a small prayer group of old women who showed her the kindness of God.


Why The Feast Accepts Everyone

Each week, I preach at the Feast, the main gathering of the Light of Jesus Family.

And in the Feast, we accept the sinners. Prostitutes. Adulterers. Addicts. Anyone!

Why? Because I was an addict for many years. I couldn’t control my urges. Yes, I was a great sinner (I still am). But God was kind to me. He accepted me. He forgave me. He loved me.

So how can I not accept others with the same kindness too?

The Feast is not for holy people. It’s for sinners.

The Feast is not for insiders. It’s for outsiders.

The Feast is not a museum of perfect people. The Feast is a hospital for the sick and the weak.

Because God is our healer!


When You’re Aware Of Your Weaknesses,

You’ll Be More Accepting

One day, a man had some puppies to sell. He even put a large sign in front of his house, “Puppies For Sale—P5000 only.”


One morning, as the man got out to pick up the newspaper, he saw a little boy looking at the sign.

He asked, “What do you want?”


“I want to buy a puppy,” he said. He then pulled out his little hand from his pocket and opened his palm.


On it were a few coins.


The man said, “I don’t think you have enough money.”


The little boy said, “Will this be enough just to take a look at the puppies?”


The man said, “Sure.”


He whistled and called out, “Here Dolly!” And out came Dolly from the doghouse. And following Dolly were the pups, like 4 balls of fur, running after their mother.


The little boy pressed his face on the fence, his eyes bulging, filled with joy. And that was when he noticed something still moving in the doghouse. A little puppy came out, much smaller, much slower. It limped its way to its mother.


“I want that one,” said the little boy.


The man knelt down in front of the boy and said, “Son, you don’t want that dog. He was born with a short leg. He won’t be able to run with you or play with you.”


The little took one step backward, bent down, and rolled up the leg of his blue jeans.


The man was surprised to see a steel brace on the little boy’s leg. It started above his knee all the way down and attached to a specially made shoe.


“I don’t run too well, sir,” the boy said, “and the dog needs someone who can understand him.”


What’s Your Limp?

I’ve got news for you: All of us are like that little puppy. Because all of us have a limp. We just have different kinds of limps.


What’s your limp? Accept it.


Unless you do, you won’t be able to accept the limp of others. You’ll always be judging, condemning, looking down, being irritated by the weaknesses of others.


Let me briefly look at two other qualities of kindness.




2. Be Available

The Samaritan had lots of things to do.

In fact, Jesus deliberately included that snippet—where the Samaritan had to go somewhere and so delegated the wounded man to the innkeeper.

To tell us that the guy was busy.

But despite this, he went out of his way. He welcomed this interruption. Why? To show kindness.

God is calling you to go out of our way, break your itinerary, welcome this interruption, and show kindness to those who are along your path.

How?

You need to get out of your religious ghetto. Start building relationships with people who aren’t religious.


Build Relationships Outside Your Church

St. Augustine said Christians are like fertilizer.

Why?

If you spread it out in a vast track of land, it’s wonderful. It will nourish the crops. But if you keep it in a barn, all bunched up together, it will smell really bad, or worse, explode. Because fertilizer is very combustible.

That’s what happens to Christian groups who never welcome non-members. They become a smelly group. And they start fighting each other. They begin to nitpick, holding microscopes in their hands, analyzing each other’s little mistakes and magnifying them.

Welcome outsiders in your friendships.

And one more thing…


3. Be Affectionate

Jesus said, But a Samaritan who was travelling that way came upon the man, and when he saw him, his heart was filled with pity.

Do you have compassion for those suffering around you?

If you do, that is a great and special gift from God.

There are people whose hearts are calloused.

Today, as you walk in the world, there are many wounded people around you. I want you to open your eyes and see their wounds and feel their pain.

One day, a woman told me, “But Bo, I don’t want to! I have enough problems of my own. I don’t want to take the problems of others!”

Ah, but do you remember what Jesus said about the Samaritan? He went over to him, poured oil and wine on his wounds and bandaged them.

Tell me. Do you think this Samaritan was bringing a First Aid kit in his knapsack?

I don’t think so. Here’s what happened. He tore his own clothes to bandage the man.

Here’s what I’ve realized: Kindness is costly!

Kindness is painful.

When you’re kind to others, you’ll lose something. You’ll lose time. You’ll lose money. You’ll lose your agenda. You’ll lose your convenience. You’ll lose your comfort. Yes, you’ll be tearing off your nice clothes to bandage someone’s wounds.

Are you ready to be kind?

And this is your great reward: The Kingdom will be known by your kindness. God will be known by your goodness. And the Lord will be known by your love.


Amazing God

Let me end with one last story.

A modern version of the Good Samaritan story.

One day, a man was traveling on a road.

And it was getting dark.

Suddenly, not seeing that there was a pit, he fell. It was such a deep pit that he couldn’t get out. He began to cry for help.

A priest passed by and saw the man in the pit. He shouted to him, “If you get out of the pit, I’ll teach you how not to fall into it again.” And he walked away.

After awhile, a preacher passed by and saw the man in the pit. And he shouted at him, “If you listened to me, you would not have fallen into that pit.” And he walked away.

After awhile, a pastor passed by and saw the man in the pit. And he said, “If you can reach for my hand, I’ll pull you out of that pit.” He bent over and reached out, but the man in the pit could not reach his hand.” And he too walked away.

And then Jesus walked by. Without a word, he jumped into the pit, and pushed the man out.

That is what Jesus did on the cross.

He took our place.


Serve Them

In the story of the Good Samaritan, the wounded man didn’t need someone to preach to him about God, or someone to debate with him about the right doctrine, or someone to teach him what’s morally right or wrong.

Instead, he needed someone to clean his wounds (yuk!), carry him to an inn (woe!), and pay for his food and accommodations (Oh no!).

He didn’t need a priest or a preacher.

He needed a kind person.

He needed a servant.

And that’s what the wounded world is looking for.

The Bible says, You are the people of God; he loved you and chose you for his own. So then, you must clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. (Colossians 3:12)

Are you known for your compassion?

Kindness?

Humility?

Gentleness?

Patience?

I believe that’ll be how the wounded world will come to know the real Jesus.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Just want to share one of my favorite articles I've ever read. It is written by a lay missionary named Bo Sanchez. Lately, I was so impressed by the way he delivers messages of God.

Marami akong natutunan sa article na 'toh at kahit paulit-ulit ko sigurong basahin 'toh, hindi ako magsasawa..
It's for you to find out why..

Mind you, sa lahat ng hayop sa mundong ibabaw (syempre bukod sa mga wild animals) takot ako sa uod..yes..uod..worms! Sounds funny, isn't it? But totoo..whew! I remembered my closest friend in High School (ahe! my crush, i must admit..ayiih!) when he made fun of me during our "gardening subject". Alam nyang takot ako sa mga uod kaya yun..imagine nilagyan nya 'yung likod ko ng uod? "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!" I scream so loud that even to the principal's office it reached. Gosh! Know what? Buong taon kog hindi pinansin 'yung supposed to be.. (hmp! wag nalang!) Ayon..dahil lang 'yun sa uod..ganun ako katakot NOON (or so i thought) sa uod. Haaaay! Well, so much for that..but this article is far different from that though it has something to do with "yuckness" I felt when it comes to worms.

Here it is..


A Worm Named Sylvester (by Bo Sanchez)

It was a worm. A wriggling, blackish, slimy, slippery, ugly worm. I was praying one day in our backyard, feeling very sad - for I had just committed a sin against God. (You know, one of those sins of that age: robbing a bank; burning a school; torturing my sister...) I even feared that perhaps I wouldn't be able to enter heaven because of my sins... How could I?

That was when I say this yucky thing slither up a green leaf. And then, I felt God whisper into my heart, "Bo, do you want to become a worm?"

Wha...? I was petrified. "Lord, did I sin that bad?"

"Bo, give that worm a name," He asked me.

Quickly, I thought of one that was farthest from mine. "Uh... would Sylvester do?"

"That will be fine. Let's say that Sylvester has a soul, and that he is a bad worm. I would therefore need someone to tell him that he has to change, or else, he won't go to heaven..."

"You want Sylvester to go to heaven?" I inquired.

"Of course. Let us say that I love him..."

I made a face. "Double yuck. Triple even." We are talking about a real live ugly worm here! And a bad worm at that.

"Sshhh. Let me continue. Now, in order for Sylvester to understand Me, My messenger has to be a worm as well. A human will not be able to speak his language."

"So that's why You want me to be a worm! To save him? But why me?"

"Only for a few days, Bo. Want to volunteer?"

"Lord!" I vehemently cried in disbelief. "Even if Sylvester was the most handsome worm in this universe - I still wouldn't do it! You're kidding me, right?"

"At one point in history, I wasn't kidding. I did ask a similar request of someone else, and He said yes."

I gasped. "Poor guy... you zapped Him into a worm?"

"On that very Christmas Day, My only Son became a human being, a helpless infant - so that He could save you..."

"But Lord, that's different! It's okay to be human..."

"That's because you don't know what it means to be God. Before that day, My Son was glorious, powerful, eternal..."

That was the last line I heard that day. And I thought the conversation was over.

But a few days later, when I went to a church for Christmas Eve - at the altar I saw the Babe in the manger.

And everything about it screamed to me, "I love you, Bo."

Yes, my God has become Sylvester. For me.

I smiled and quietly shed a tear.

How to Fight the Relationship Drift

Have you ever felt that something was wrong..
may kulang..
'yung tipong parang hindi ka na masaya gaya ng dati..
'yung parang minsan you don't care anymore with those people that were once became your world..(or so you thought)
'yung parang may namamatay na 'something' (ano kaya un?) sa'yong puso..
'yung tipong you always felt emptiness, loneliness, hopelessness, at lahat na ng mag negatibong bagay na may "ness"..(haizt!)


I must confess..naramdaman ko na 'toh minsan..and I'm quite afraid now..that I'm beginning to feel this way...again....

I think I'm starting to be a fan of Bo Sanchez now..ahe! Just want to share another article he made, it gives me a lot of inspiration, encouragement, strength and above all..it draw me closer to God..

Here it is..


Fight The Relationship Drift



Warning: There’s a cruel epidemic afflicting our families, our marriages, and our friendships. It’s called the Relationship Drift.

It’s a very devious disease. It’s like some cancers. You really don’t know you have it until it’s fatal. And then it’s too late.

And then Relationship Drift becomes Relationship Dead.

The only solution is to diagnose it early.

But the symptoms of Relationship Drift are almost invisible to the naked eye.

Because you’re not really fighting each other.

There are no screaming matches. In fact, your home is quiet. Like a convent.

And there are no pots and pans flying in the air.

And there are no bloody court cases.

But little by little, your hearts move apart.

Intimacy is gone.

Joy is missing.

In marriage, sex only happens every time Haley’s comet passes planet earth.

You take each other for granted.

One day, you know the disease had run its full course because you wake up one morning not caring for the other person anymore.

Let me give you examples of the Relationship Drift:

The father who doesn’t have heart-to-heart conversations with his kids anymore. Or the wife who doesn’t enjoy her husband’s company anymore. Or a couple who talk to each other functionally, not deeply. Or siblings who no longer laugh together, play together, and eat together.

Here’s why: We live in a busy world.

Where bills need to be paid.

And cars need to be repaired.

And kids need to be fed, vaccinated, and neutered, er, I mean nurtured. (I know of parents who want to administer this little medical procedure to their kids when puberty comes along.)

My point? It’s natural that you drift apart.

You don’t have to be a bad person. You don’t have to be Adolf Hitler or The Joker. You don’t have to be obnoxious, selfish, or evil to cause the disease called Relationship Drift.

Let me give you an analogy.

Two people in a relationship are like two little boats floating on the sea.

Problem: There’s a current that will slowly pull the two boats apart. Before they know it, the two boats are miles away from each other.

Friend, there’s really only one way to fight the drift: Paddle!

If you don’t want to drift, you’ll have to go against the flow and paddle your way to each other. You’ll have to work hard, muscle your way, sweat like crazy and fight to be together.

I believe that the only antidote to Relationship Drift is to bond constantly.

If you don’t, the effects can be disastrous…


When We Don’t Fight Relationship Drift


In a previous article, I already shared these statistics from David Perdew.

David Perdew wrote this about “fatherless kids” in America. According to statistics, children from a fatherless home are:

· Five times more likely to commit suicide

· Thirty-two times more likely to run away

· Twenty times more likely to have behavioral disorders

· Fourteen times more likely to commit rape (this applies to boys)

· Nine times more likely to drop out of high school

· Ten times more likely to abuse chemical substances

· Nine times more likely to end up in a charitable institution

· Twenty times more likely to end up in prison for a long period of time

David Perdew says we either pay now or pay later.

And when you pay later, it always costs more.

My suggestion is to pay now.

Fighting the Relationship Drift is very difficult. But it’s easier paying now than paying later.

Here’s how to do it.


Time Management Isn’t The Answer


Do you want to spend more time with your family?

Time Management is not the solution.

I know a company who charges $759 per person for their Time Management Seminar. Let me save you $759 right now and tell you it doesn’t work.

These guys will teach you how to become experts in multi-tasking.

While you shave, mentally plan for your day.

While you drive, record your things-to-do in an MP3 recorder.

While sitting on the throne of life, make your phone calls.

While talking with your boss, floss your teeth.

I don’t believe in any of that.

Though I must admit, I’m guilty trying all of them.

Except for the flossing. (I don’t have a Boss.)

And believe me, these things don’t give you more time.

Worse, they take away your peace.

Here’s a principle you can take to the bank: Anything that takes away your peace won’t work in the long run.

Instead of Time Management, I teach people Biggies Management.


What Are Your Biggies?


If you really think about it, you can put everything happening in your life into two categories: Biggies and Smallies.

If you manage your Biggies, you manage your life.

It’s the secret to great success.

What are your Biggies?

People who don’t know their Biggies will be ruled by their Smallies. They’ll be lost boats in the sea, being pushed and pulled in various directions.

Your Biggies consists of the 4 most important parts of your life:

1. Your Family

2. Your Health

3. Your Mission

4. Your Spirit

Everything else are Smallies.

If you want to be successful, focus on your Biggies.

When you make your Weekly Schedule, write down the Biggies first.

Each of these Biggies can be broken down. But today, I’d like to share with you the Family Biggies that you need to do. These are the powerful ways to paddle against Relationship Drift.

Are you ready?


Create A List Of Untouchables


My romantic date with my wife is an Untouchable.

I told her that we’d have a romantic date every Tuesday night unless these three things happen:

1) President Obama calls up to consult me on high-level issues such as terrorism, global warming, and nuclear disarmament; or…

2) The Pope calls me to discuss some murky theological question that only I can answer (like “Did Adam have a belly button?”), or…

3) If a comet rams into earth, burning the entire planet’s atmosphere, and human life as we know it ceases to exist.

Aside from those three scenarios, nothing can touch my date with her.

Seriously, there are weeks when I’m travelling and we can’t date. But I see to it that when I fly back home, the first thing I do is spend a day with my wife and two boys.

Frankly, I love my romantic dates with my wife. She’s my emotional home. She relaxes me. (Okay, I confess that one time, I was so relaxed I dozed off when she was still talking.)

My weekly date with my 2 boys is an Untouchable too.

So is my twice-a-month lunch with my mother.

And twice-a month dinners with my extended families.

I also have regular dates with my Friends. (We call them Caring Groups in my spiritual family, Light of Jesus.)

Friend, the only way to paddle against Relationship Drift is to create your list of Untouchables.

But before you invite your kids to a date, let me tell you how not to do it.


How To Have Dates With Your Kids


One day, a teen-age boy approached me and said, “Brother Bo, can you please tell my father to stop having dates with me? I think he got the idea from you.”

I later learned what his father did last week.

First, he invited his son to have a burger. But the moment they sat down in the restaurant, the father said, “Son, I want to talk to you about your poor grades.”

After a mini-sermon on “study well because I work so hard to pay for your studies,” the father jumps to another sensitive topic. “Your music tastes are terrible,” he said to the lad, “It’s loud, noisy, and disgusting. I think you should listen more to classical music.”

The father goes on to other topics, such as the length of his hair, the late night phone calls, and the obscene amount of time he spends playing computer games.

Poor kid. He didn’t know what was coming that day. He didn’t realize he was attending a multi-track conference.

After their meal, the father told him, “Son, I enjoyed our date. Let’s do this weekly!”

His son must have had an epileptic seizure right there. Can you imagine going through this torture for the rest of his teen-age life? That’s when the boy asked me to rescue him from a life of purgatory.

So I called the father and said, “Parental sermons, homilies, lectures, and full-scale multi-track conferences are banned from your dates.”

“Why?” the father asked.

“Because the date isn’t for you,” I said. “It’s for your son. You don’t have to enjoy it as long as he does.” I told him, “Play billiards. Play bowling. Go fishing. Ride bikes together. Anything your boy wants to do.”

Let me explain why this is essential.

When the relationship is close, kids listen. Their hearts are supple and open.

But when there’s already a Relationship Drift between the parents and the kids, their hearts are far apart. So no matter how much the parents shout, their kids don’t hear the message.

So the first goal is to bring your hearts close to each other.


How To Bond As A Family


Another Untouchable you need to create is a Weekly Family night.

The goal is to do something fun together.

Rent a movie and cook popcorn for a family movie night at home.

Or take a Family Walk around the village.

Or play a game together. Monopoly. Pictionary. Patintero.

Or read a book out loud.

Or just order pizza and ask everyone to share around the table.

When you do this each week, you’re creating memories that will last a lifetime. Life is about moments. And believe me, your grown-up kids will never forget these special bonding moments as a family. It will be their anchor. It will be their source of emotional stability. That amidst the sea of change around them, they know there are just some things in life that don’t change.

Like the memories of being together as family.

Here’s one more tip before I end.


Invite Your Kids’ Friends To Hang Out At Home


You’ve got to be the cool Mom and Dad–Even if you’re not.

How? Make your home the preferred hang-out place for your kids’ friends.

I know it’ll cause a little dent on your budget.

Okay, I lied. It will make your life savings disappear.

A group of teens are like a pack of piranha. They will eat anything that looks like food in your kitchen cabinets. And if your kids come home all tired and sweaty from a basketball game, be forewarned. That is a perfect storm. You will become poor overnight. You can buy all the food in your city and it won’t be enough. They’ll just burp and ask for more.

But the rewards are incredible.

First, you’re with your kids more.

Second, you know where your kids are.

Third, you get to know their friends—and counsel the troubled ones. If they lack parenting, you can re-parent them. (I’m sharing you a powerful secret: One of the best ways of influencing your kids is to influence their friends.)

Fourth, because of all racket your guests make, you and your neighbors will not be in speaking terms. So that’s one or two people dropped from your Christmas shopping list. Savings!


Two Choices: Drift Or Paddle


I can hear you now.

“Bo, this is a lot of hard work! Weekly dates with my wife and kids? Feeding a pack of piranhas? And re-parenting the friends of my kids? My gosh!”

I warned you. It’s going to be rough.

But let me repeat what I said at the start: You really only have two choices in life. You either Drift or you Paddle. You either pay now or pay later.

I’ve decided to paddle. I’ve decided to pay now.

Believe me, I’m enjoying the benefits.

My relationships are deeply satisfying.

Friend, it’s your turn.

Start paddling.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez